Read the first in this series: Things a KJ May or May Not Tell You
Karaoke is hard! Very hard! If you remember the first time you performed a song in front of strangers, it was a terrifying experience.
Here are some new singer karaoke tips to help you along the way.
Singing Karaoke is Scary as Fuck
I remember my first time singing karaoke. It was a song I knew really well. It was All the Small Things by Blink 182.
I was a lurker. For a while. Then my friend Jay got up there with me to ease my nerves.
I was hooked ever since.
For karaoke veterans like myself, getting up to sing is child’s play.
But please remember, at one time in your life, getting up and singing in front of a group of strangers was very scary. And sometimes, (okay, almost always) it’s best to have some alcohol to elevate your courage.
Get Used to the Bar Culture
It’s okay to tap someone lightly on the back and force your way through the crowd. It’s okay to stand in line outside the restroom.
Where it is not cool is to stand directly behind someone at the urinal.
I once met a training Soldier while working for the Army. He was giving new recruits drug tests. He said some recruits would take up to an hour to pee, and that is when the recruit actually had to go. Give people their space.
This Will Not be a Good First date
Karaoke is loud. Super loud. Don’t try to do karaoke on a first date unless you’re finishing out the night.
At best, you’ll be texting back and forth.
Long Songs are Generally a Faux Pas
Try to not sing anything over 6 minutes unless you get the KJ’s permission. Sadly, this rules out American Pie, Freebird, Meatloaf, and others.
If it’s a slow night, hey, anything goes! Busy night where we have to get 25 people up and singing? Keep it short.
Respect the Regulars
If you respect the regulars, eventually you’ll become one too.
The regulars are the drinking and tipping customers who are smart and take an Uber home.
Do your best, applaud, buy someone a shot now and then. Break in to the inner circle. And in no time at all, you’ll be one.
But never, ever, try to jump in front of the regulars. It’s just not cool. Not cool at all.
Group Songs are Awful
I know, I got lambasted on my last post about group songs. If it’s more than two people, making a group song sound good is hard.
The mics we use are top-notch. Most group song singers hold the mic at arms-length so they can get all the people in.
As a result, we just see four-to-five hot females screaming and have no idea what they are saying.
If you must do a group song, give one mic to a competent singer, and share the mic with the rest of the singers.
Tipping is Appreciated
American culture is that of a tipping culture. Whether you think tips are bribes… eh.
A small appreciation of $1 to $2 per song is the norm.
Yes, the KJ is getting paid for the show, and perhaps is being comped on drinks. But there’s the loading of the equipment into their vehicle, unloading at the venue, tear up, tear down, then finally the KJ’s night is over.
What you see at the karaoke show is the tip of the iceberg unless the KJ is fortunate enough to work at a venue with a built-in sound setup.
Don’t Bug the KJ
The KJ is herding cats. And the cats are drunk. So it’s a hard job.
Don’t go up every 5 minutes to check up on your song. They’ll call you. Trust me.
We’ll Get You Singing, We Promise!
If we can’t get you up to sing, we’ll tell you. Promise!
It’s appropriate to ask the KJ when you are up. Sometimes it’s an hour. Sometimes you are next. You just never know.
Don’t Hog the Mic
When the KJ gives you the mic, that is your queue to sing. It’s not your queue to say hello to mom.
Please don’t grab the mic from the KJ. When we’re ready, we’ll give you the mic.
Also, after your song, it’s still not cool to say hello to mom. We have control over your mic. We’ll just turn that shit off.
When the Show is Over, it’s Over
Yes, you want to get that one more song. The answer is always no. Here’s why.
We’re paid to be at the venue, and we want to go home.
Also, the bar manager is usually the one who shuts us down. So it’s not always up to us.
Plus, even if we were to put in a new singer, it wouldn’t be you. It would be the next person in the rotation.
So, please, pretty please, understand that no, we cannot and will not accommodate you.
Respect the KJ’s Equipment
Leave your beer at your table. If you are worried about being drugged (a legit concern), tell the KJ. We’ll find a spot for your beer. Promise.
Please don’t place your beer near their setup. Accidents happen, even sober. One beer spill will destroy our equipment.
I honestly don’t care if the person is a douche. Or even if the person is singing my most detested song (up next).
Show some appreciation. Remember, karaoke is hard.
Show at least some appreciation by a clap or a whoop. Heckling is also welcome (but only after or before the song).
And for Fuck’s Sake, Stop Singing Picture
It’s a horrible song. Don’t do it. I will plan out your death.
Please share your karaoke tips below in the comments.