Let’s face it, assholes: you need to pay up for your atrocious behavior.
Here are ten reasons you are required to pay asshole tax.
10: You are a forgetful douche
Your wife’s, girlfriend’s, or mistresses’ birthday? When the hell is that? Oh, it was last week? Whatever, you just saved some bank on being an idiot and a closet asshole.
Did you forget to pick up your child and left them sitting in the rain for an hour? Eh, it will build that bastard child’s character.
How about the time you forgot your wallet and made your date pick up the tab and then lost the bitch’s number? Fuck her, she can afford it, right?
9: You are a sociopath
Your most recent watched movies on Netflix are full of revenge porn. You laugh when people fall. You glaze by the online headlines talking about death, thinking Darwin is an awesome dude.
When your girlfriend is crying on your shoulder, you are checking your Facebook. If someone you know dies, you sleep in during their funeral.
Fuck people and their emotions.
8: You are a control-freak
“You are not going out dressed like a prostitute.”
Your woman is your property and the only time you want her looking pretty is right before you put your sweaty body on top of her for 30 seconds.
7: You are not a gentleman
Women aren’t helpless. They can open up their own damn doors and buy their own damn drinks.
6: You Facebook stalk
“How come you didn’t like my status update, cunt?”
5: You are a commitment-phobe
Yeah, we’ve been dating for six years. I can afford a ring, but fuck, that girl ain’t getting any younger and her looks are a depreciating asset.
4: You think of Justin Bieber as a role model
Every guy should strive to be more like the Biebster.
3: You are a misogynistic prick
Women are just walking fuck holes with two cushions, right?
2: You do not use proper grammar in texts or online
‘Cause, fuck grammar.
1: You don’t give a warning in the bedroom
Hey, while you’re down there… oops.
Bonus: You are me (Ronald Huereca)
Yep, I’m constantly paying asshole tax.