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Stella

Through her small Google Hangout she could make out an array of faces ordered to her beck-and-call.

“So we have the Storyboard people here, Stella. We’d like you to go over your torture scene.”

“Oh, I’ve already explained it.” Stella replied.

The director, Roth, whom they commonly use, reads his note cards: “It says you want a woman’s baby cut out with it burning to death?”

“Exactly.” Stella agreed.

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Character Assassination

“Thank you all for attending this very important meeting. As I stated in the e-mail, this could very well be an excellent and highly-profitable new venture for our company.”

The room was silent. The oblong table which seats eight was filled to capacity.

Security experts, an ex-FBI agent, the dreaded attorney, and one overworked accountant were among those in attendance.

Standing in front of a dreary and neglected projector screen was the CEO of Mindefusement.

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Tips for a New Karaoke Singer

Read the first in this series: Things a KJ May or May Not Tell You

Karaoke is hard! Very hard! If you remember the first time you performed a song in front of strangers, it was a terrifying experience.

Here are some new singer karaoke tips to help you along the way.

Singing Karaoke is Scary as Fuck

I remember my first time singing karaoke.

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Foundation Theory of Relationships

The following is a blatant advertisement and plea for you to buy my Fight Club book Asshole Tax. Go get it. It’s only 99 cents on Amazon and it’s a quick 45 minute read.

What is the Foundation Theory of Relationships

Honestly, I thought the Foundation Theory of Relationships was a concept some genius psychologist coined or made up, or maybe I read it in a book somewhere.

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Feelings

Feelings are an internal battle. Unfortunately, most people try to fight the battle on someone else’s field.

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Ten Reasons You Should Pay Asshole Tax

Let’s face it, assholes: you need to pay up for your atrocious behavior.

Here are ten reasons you are required to pay asshole tax.

you-are-an-asshole

10: You are a forgetful douche

gandalf

Your wife’s, girlfriend’s, or mistresses’ birthday? When the hell is that? Oh, it was last week? Whatever, you just saved some bank on being an idiot and a closet asshole.

Did you forget to pick up your child and left them sitting in the rain for an hour?

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How Work Gossip Sounds to Everyone Else

Girl 1: I can’t believe he didn’t file the APA form correctly! He does it every Thursday. I can’t stand him.

Girl 2: Right, filling out the APA is so darn hard? You just have to have the MIPA credentials from the GAPA department, and bam, you’re done.

Girl 3: OMG, the BAPA of the department can’t even figure out it out.

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Is DepositIQ Worth It?

My friend Pauli Loeffler helped contribute to this article. As with any contract, please review it with your attorney.

Is DepositIQ worth getting if you are a renter? In short, no. Read on for my opinionated analysis.

What is DepositIQ?

DepositIQ, in layman’s terms for a renter, is a way for you to pay less on your security deposit.

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Joaquin

The following is a short story. Caution: language

“What we’re talking about is a cheap and easy way to kill your enemies.”

It certainly didn’t seem cheap, and it certainly didn’t seem easy.

You see, I have what some would call a societal stigma. I’m fucked in the head, as some would put it. A bit of a loner, a bit of a sociopath, and perhaps a closet serial killer.

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How Developers Feel Quoting Time

Begin phone call

You: We have an urgent meeting and I need you here in 30 minutes.

Me: I can be there in an hour.

You: You live 30 minutes away.

Me: Traffic conditions indicate a 45 minute drive, plus I need time to head out, and once I arrive, park.

You: But I really need you here in 30 minutes!

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