Stress can do funny things to people. In my case, it resulted in one of my worse breakdowns yet.
The Ambien Dilemma
It all started right after the Memorial Day weekend. I had been taking Ambien for sleep. I was abusing it, sometimes taking two a night with alcohol.
I blasted through a month supply in about two weeks. I tried to get it refilled, but my insurance company wouldn’t pay for it, and Walgreens refused to fill it until mid-June.
I started going through Ambien withdrawals, which produced racing thoughts and the worse case of insomnia I had ever experienced.
On day three of having absolutely no sleep, I called my sister (who is a physician’s assistant).
“Steph, I can’t sleep.”
“Take a benadryl.” she replied.
At this point, I had already tried the standard sleep meds. Nothing worked.
I tried drinking a full bottle of wine. Nada. My body felt drunk, but my mind still wouldn’t shut off.
On day seven without sleep, I had become so depressed and malnourished that I went to the emergency room.
During my emergency room visit, it was recommended that I attend Bradford Health Services for alcohol and drug rehab.
I called in sick the next day and went to check out Bradford.
I set up an appointment with Bradford, and they recommended I attend their inpatient program in Warrior, Alabama.
After packing for a few minutes, my friend drove me down to Warrior.
There, I was searched for drugs and tossed in a room with barely a bed to sleep on. I also had a roommate who snored loudly.
After a few days there, it was obvious I wouldn’t be able to clean up at this place. There were so many drugs going around, I felt like I was going to leave rehab worse than I came in.
I ended up leaving against medical advice after being in the place for three days.
A Suicide Attempt
Upon returning to Bradford, I was so paranoid about running into the people from the place.
Fearing for my family’s safety, I attempted suicide on June 5th. This was also when I removed this website from the Internet.
I ended up in a behavior health center, which wasn’t that much of a step up from Bradford.
Upon leaving that place, my dad took me to Texas to recuperate from my experiences.
I left there a little after the July 4th weekend, where I attempted to return to work.
A Second Suicide Attempt
Upon returning to Huntsville, I tried to return to work. My thinking was so negative at this point, that I decided on another suicide attempt.
This one didn’t work, and I hid it to avoid going to another treatment center.
My dad returned me to Texas, and I felt instantly better.
After a few weeks, I decided to return back to Huntsville for another attempt at work.
A Third Suicide Attempt
After a few days of being back in Huntsville, it became pretty obvious I wouldn’t be able to return to work anytime soon.
I went to my local doctor, got a script for Ambien, and decided to take the entire 30 day supply at once.
My ex-girlfriend found me 24 hours later in what she called a heavily sedated state.
She called 911, and I ended up in another behavior health center.
My dad again flew me back to Texas after I was released.
My dad had a planned trip to Canada during my final trip back to Texas. Fearing for my safety, he arranged for me to live at my sister’s house in Louisiana.
She kept me away from alcohol, drugs, and cigarettes.
She also helped with good moral support.
Right now, I’m back at my dad’s in Texas. After living on my own for the better part of eight years, I’m now living with my parents.
I’m unable to work at this point, so I resigned from my job with the U.S. Army.
My concentration is on resting, and making my doctor visits to adjust my meds.
I also decided to bring this site back and give my readers an explanation of what’s going on. So if you are reading this, thanks for hanging in there.
I’m not sure how often I’ll post here, but consider this my return to the Internet.
Take care and God Bless.