This past month or so I’ve had to confront a variety of internal and external issues. I’ve been forced to examine by own faith in God, myself, and others. This past year, all I have considered myself to be was a failure: a failure at my job, at marriage, and most of all, a failure in my faith. If ever I felt like a sinner, it was this past month when I thought all was lost.
With the encouragement of friends I didn’t know I had — and the church — I have come to realize that I am indeed not a failure. For too long I have conditioned myself to try to achieve what I simply cannot. I have tried to meet the expectations set before me that are necessary and ideal, but not achievable on this sinful, fallen Earth. When I tried and failed, and tried again with the same end result, I simply gave up. After all, why should I keep trying if I know that the end result will be a failure?
However, God has given me encouragement through His Word and through His praises. I have realized that no matter how many people I fail on this Earth, there is a God that loves me no matter what. My Father is always there for me with open arms, no matter how many curses I heave at myself and others.
As I feel myself slipping towards the bottom-less pit of depression, I take comfort in knowing that God is the light at the end of my murky tunnel. I do love Him, although I would be hard-pressed to think of a recent example of what I have done to show it. When others who love me turn their back on me, I know above all that God will never turn His love away from me. For that, I am thankful.