Crowded Parking Lot

You’ve probably been in this situation…

You’ve just pulled into a parking lot, keeping your eyes open for other vehicles, pedestrians, and falling meteors. You’re parallel to the fire lane, and all of the sudden the vehicle in front of you stops.

Out of the passenger side comes a rather large woman, who walks to both sides of the back passenger doors and allows her children to come out.

You don’t dare pass because you risk running the young ones over and don’t want to risk oncoming traffic. Meanwhile, you have three or four vehicles behind you, all honking, and all trying to get to their own parking spot.

These Curbside Parkers are extremely dangerous and clueless. But are they the worst of the worst?

Reverse Parkers

Reverse Parker

The Reverse Parkers drama is real.

You’ve probably been behind one of these douche-bags. They advance beyond a worthy parking spot. Then the brake lights come on. Then the reverse lights.

Luckily you weren’t following too closely, right?

This guy proceeds to (attempt to) park his BAV (big ass vehicle) in reverse.

First try. Nope. Fail.

Second try. Closer. Still a fail.

Third try. Success. But he’s still a douche-bag.

Finally, you’re able to park like a normal, sane human being.

I imagine people park in reverse for the following reasons:

  • It’s super easy to leave. All you have to do is drive forward.
  • Leaving a parking spot in reverse is like so out of style.
  • It’s safer. After all, reversing out of a parking spot might strain your neck or something, right?

And here’s why one shouldn’t park in reverse:

  • It’s dangerous. Dangerous for the cars behind you waiting. Dangerous for the pedestrians. Dangerous for the other cars who risk getting hit with your uber-reverse skills.
  • It doesn’t really save you any time. Seriously.
  • You inconvenience the driver behind you. Unless you’re an expert, it’s going to take you a few tries to reverse in. It’s also unintuitive for the driver behind you. We’re really not expecting someone to go into reverse when in a parking lane.
  • You risk a baseball bat to your face by some crazy bi-polar blogger who has too much time on his hands. Okay, so I leave my baseball bat at home, but I do think about it!

I tend to reverse park in style. I find a parking spot with two open spots on either side. And I (wait for it) drive through and park. It’s quick, it’s easy, it’s somewhat dangerous… but it works. However, there’s one caveat: these spots are usually towards the back (ah, the torture of walking, no!!!).

Anywhere Parkers

Nice Parking Job

These guys feel that any stretch of pavement large enough to hold a vehicle is open season.

Those bright yellow striped patches near the store entrance? Game.

Those curbs marked as firelanes and prominent “No Parking” signs? Game.

The drop-off areas at airports? Definitely game.

Parking in Two Handicapped Spots

What about two open handicapped spots? Oh yeah, let’s just take up both of those.

Anywhere Parkers will park, well, just about anywhere. They’re the sluts of parkers.

These guys aren’t really dangerous. They just look like idiots. And the icing on the cake is on the (very) rare occasion that one of them gets towed or ticketed.

Curbside Parkers

Ah, we’re back to our Curbside Parker friends.

Besides laying on the horn for the departing occupants, I upon occasion resort to retaliation.

I truly believe in doing unto others. So I do. When the occupants have finished departing, I pass the vehicle (if it’s safe) and crawl forward.

I then brake and stop, returning the favor. I then crank up my music, open my sun roof, and sit back and relax.

Oh, is there a person behind me? Ooops.