Category: Stories (page 2 of 9)

The Difference Between Love and Hate

My good friend and I was having a religious conversation. I was offering my insight when one of his friends was bitten by a mosquito.

She quickly squashed the bug and sent it to the fiery infernal of hell (a quarantined part, I’m sure, as Satan apparently hates mosquitos too).

She exclaimed, “Gosh dangit, I was bitten again.”

I chimed back, trying to be offensively witty, “Don’t you mean God damnit?

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Supernova

I’ve been on a poetry kick lately. Rest assured, I will grow out of this phase eventually.

Intrinsic,
As a flame.
A fool.
A losing game.

There she is,
Gracefully,
Amongst the stars,
And I see…

The shining light,
Years ahead.
To naked eyes,
She is dead.

But the star,
No others see,
Intrigues,
Exquisitely.

The bright light,
Illuminates.
Never-ending coma.

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Stages

The agony is unquenchable
as an unending thirst.
My stomach is in knots,
And I fear my heart may burst…

Not from a love lost,
Or a desire unfulfilled,
But from the hatred and hurt,
That will never be healed.

I seek forgiveness,
And perhaps restitution,
But while I ache,
There seems only one solution.

These five stages I know.
And it starts with denial.

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Listen

One of the biggest weaknesses I have is emotional immaturity. I tend to react quickly and harsh, but I have learned to turn this weakness into a strength (through the help of behavioral therapy, any negative aspect of life can be “spun” into being positive).

When someone is having any emotional reaction (e.g., happy, sad), he is in a virtual bubble (think Bubble Boy, but without the shitty plot).

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The Cheap Feel

A group of friends and I frequented a restaurant to partake in their weekly special of $1 margaritas.

As we settled in, my friend’s favorite waitress approached. I had seen her previously, but never really made small talk.

As a side note, people who know me well know I have a very dry sense of humor. But it’s intellectually dry, so most of my jokes go flying right over others’ heads.

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Electric Tape

Electric Tape

“I think I’m having a panic attack!” April confided in me.

“What happened?”

April is not the type of girl to freak out easily. For me, she was a breath of fresh air. Finally, a woman that can take care of herself and a person who didn’t “need” a man.

But she had a weakness (don’t we all?). She gets random panic attacks.

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I Wanna #*%$# You

“I wanna #*%$# you.” my sister said to me recently.

I was momentarily caught off guard. I looked in her eyes for any inclination of sarcasm or facetiousness.

“Um, what? Did I hear you correctly?”

“Your uni-brow. It needs to be plucked.”

I inwardly breathed a sigh of relief as I released my sister as an incestuous vulture.

“Why, what did you think I said?” she asked.

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The Smart-Ass Genie

I had just arrived for church and I sat down next to one of my “married” and “wiser” lady friends.

Somehow the subject turned to what I wanted to be when I grow up.

“Well, one thing’s for sure…” I quipped referencing her and her husband, “I definitely don’t want to be older like y’all”

Not missing a beat, she pointed at my nose and said, “Poof!

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If a Household Were Run Like Congress

Dad: Good news little Johnny, I’ve talked your Grandma Congress into buying you a portable childhood vehicle system.

Johnny: A bicycle?

Dad: Yep.

Little Johnny: But Dad, I don’t need a bike.

Dad: It doesn’t matter, Grandma has sent the money and it’s our job to spend it.

Little Johnny: Why can’t I use it on something I need?

Dad: Because Grandma has already sent the money with specific guidelines on how to spend it.

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Coyote Ugly

The following was my first (and probably last) experience at Coyote Ugly in Austin, Texas.

“You, in the glasses.” a lady said into a microphone pointing into my direction.

It wasn’t everyday that a lady on top of a bar was pointing at me and announcing my presence to the slew of drunkards and bar-hoppers. I wasn’t annoyed or embarrassed, just wondering why my glasses were my prominent figure.

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