A Conversation With Tyler Durden – Baking a Cake

The following is a conversation I had with Tyler Durden from Fight Club.

Tyler: Whoa! Whoa!

Me: What? I’m just putting in some eggs.

Tyler: You wanna make an omelet, you gotta break some eggs.

Me: Well, yeah, but you have to break some eggs to make a cake too, douche. Let’s see what else is next.

Tyler: Did you know that if you mix equal parts of gasoline and frozen orange juice concentrate you can make napalm?

Me: Well orange you special? How about you help me make this cake?

Tyler: One could make all kinds of explosives, using simple household items.

Me: But… we’re not trying to make a dry-ice bomb. We’re making a cake. And I’d prefer it not explode.

Tyler: Let the chips fall where they may.

Me: Are you implying we take this list of ingredients and just throw them in, and, “Wallah!”, a cake is made? If so, I think I need a new baking partner.

Tyler: Ok, I got it.

Me: Finally! Now let’s get moving.

Tyler: Shit, I lost it.

[Tyler making maniacal laugh.]

Me: You asshole! You mean, you were just messing with me?

Tyler: You got it.

Me: Phew. I thought I’d have to throw a spatula in your face or something.

Tyler: Three minutes.

Me: You’re right! The oven is almost pre-heated. Let’s get these ingredients mixed and into a pan!

[The ingredients have been mixed and we place the cake into the oven]

Tyler: Think of everything we’ve accomplished, man.

Me: I know. I never could really follow directions very well, but I think we’ve done a good job.

Tyler: I ask you for one thing, one simple thing.

Me: What’s that? Keep in mind we’re on a clock here.

Tyler: C’mon, do me this one favor.

Me: Fine, what?

Tyler: You have to know the answer to this question!

Me: But you haven’t even asked it yet!

Tyler: Not good enough.

Me: Goodness. You’re reminding me of my ex-girlfriend.

Tyler: We’re a generation of men raised by women. I’m wondering if another woman is really the answer we need.

Me: And now you’re giving relationship advice? What the hell?

Tyler Okay…

Me: Anyways, enough jibber-jabber. Let’s get this cake out of the oven.

[The cake has been sitting in the oven for way too long]

Tyler: What’s that smell?

Me: You’re right! Crap! We’ve burnt the darn thing.

Tyler: Shit man, now it’s all gone.

Me: Fuck you, Tyler. Next time, I’m getting someone else to help me bake.

Ronald Huereca

Writer and software engineer Ronald Huereca has been a developer at notable agencies like iThemes and 10up. His varied background has him working with WordPress since 2006, eventually creating his own plugin which, of course, lead to more. He spends quite a bit of his time volunteering with the WordPress project as a core and polyglot contributor. With all of his passions, writing has been the way Ronald expresses himself best. He has written both technical books as well as fiction. Some of his works include Project Mayhem, Mindefusement, and WordPress and Ajax. “You can only delay the inevitable” is his favorite quote. Ronald enjoys reading Stephen King and John Grisham. When he’s not writing, Ronald dreams of building websites filled with cats yawning, disclaimers his strong opinions, sings karaoke, and advocates for empathy surrounding mental health.