With Valentine’s Day coming tomorrow, retailers are pushing full force to get you to buy that special someone a Valentine’s Day gift.
The retail aspect of this holiday is absolutely absurd, and is one of the reasons I boycott this holiday.
Putting the retail aspect aside, however, Valentine’s Day is a reminder for a lot of things. Here’s a list of what people are reminded of when cupid’s arrow strikes:
- You’re single! (neener-neener)
- Your wife’s a gold digger!
- Your man is a cheapskate.
- You haven’t been laid in two months!
- You’re too ugly to receive a Valentine (sorry).
- You’re allergic to chocolate.
- Your life’s dream has been to kill a real-life teddybear.
- You HATE chocolate.
- Balloons kill sea-turtles.
- Your boyfriend’s in prison and…
- You’re six months pregnant.
- She’s too young for you.
- He’s too old for you (but he has money).
- He left me for someone younger.
- For all gorgeous women out there, there is always one man who absolutely can’t stand her.
- Do NOT go to any restaurants.
- Avoid (ahem) parks and other romantic “spots” at night.
- Do NOT listen to the radio.
- That it might be fun to pretend you’re a serial killer for a day.
- To send yourself flowers next year.
- To laugh at all those “He went to Jared” commercials.
- To regift that sweet sex toy you received last year.
Okay, I’ll stop there. Feel free to continue in the comments section if you wish.