Ronalfy.com — The Personal Website of Ronald Huereca

With Valentine’s Day coming tomorrow, retailers are pushing full force to get you to buy that special someone a Valentine’s Day gift.

The retail aspect of this holiday is absolutely absurd, and is one of the reasons I boycott this holiday.

Putting the retail aspect aside, however, Valentine’s Day is a reminder for a lot of things. Here’s a list of what people are reminded of when cupid’s arrow strikes:

• You’re single! (neener-neener)
• Your wife’s a gold digger!
• Your man is a cheapskate.
• You haven’t been laid in two months!
• You’re too ugly to receive a Valentine (sorry).
• You’re allergic to chocolate.
• Your life’s dream has been to kill a real-life teddybear.
• You HATE chocolate.
• Balloons kill sea-turtles.
• Your boyfriend’s in prison and…
• You’re six months pregnant.
• She’s too young for you.
• He’s too old for you (but he has money).
• He left me for someone younger.
• For all gorgeous women out there, there is always one man who absolutely can’t stand her.
• Do NOT go to any restaurants.
• Avoid (ahem) parks and other romantic “spots” at night.
• Do NOT listen to the radio.
• That it might be fun to pretend you’re a serial killer for a day.
• To send yourself flowers next year.
• To laugh at all those “He went to Jared” commercials.
• To regift that sweet sex toy you received last year.

Okay, I’ll stop there. Feel free to continue in the comments section if you wish.

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